These are parodies of well-known songs. If there is a bit of inside information (from Usenet), I put an asterisks by it and reference it after the song.
(Sung to the tune "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix)
By Judden
Sung by Ahmad Rashad:
Michael j's all in my brain
I think of him, and my sheets I'll stain
though he don't D, and he don't pass...
'Scuze me, while I kiss his *ss!
Michael j's all around
Blockin' my view, with butt cheeks so brown
I'll jock him more, you will see,
than anyone else, could dream, of on NBC!
Michael j's on my mind
I'll jock him, both day and night
Here's what the crack does, to your mind:
"He's the best ever, and till the end of time!"
(sung to the tune of "Back in Black" by AC/DC)
By Judden
Background: This takes place during jordon's return from retirement in 1995. In his debut game, jordon, in vintage form, shot 7 for 28 and ballhogged the Bulls to a defeat. Reggie Miller torched jordon on both ends of the floor. jordon the thug attacked Miller, giving him a sharp knee to the thigh, giving Millera deep thigh bruise and causing him to leave the game in the 4th quarter. However, Miller's replacement also schooled Foolish jordon, and the Pacer's won in OT .
This was the season that B.J.
Armstrong stated displeasure on having to surrender minutes and shots to 41% shooting,
1-dimensional ballhog jordon., resulting in jordon sending Armstrong packing to Toronto in
that summer's expansion draft, thus making him an example to any other Bulls who should state
the truth and expose the clay feet of jordon the tin god.
Sung by Reggie Miller:
[I'm] Blue 'n' Black
'Cuz I got wacked
by jordon's knee, it just missed my sacks
I gloved the fool
Took him to school
Then the thug went after my jewels
I started drainin' the threes
and dodgin' his knees
Ahmad made a face like I had cut the cheese
jordon wasn't pleased
He seethes
he hates gettin' schooled by me on NBC.
CHORUS:
'Cause he's back
and I'm black
Well, he's back
and I'm black
Well, he's back, back
and I'm blue 'n' black
Yes, I'm blue 'n' black
Back in the game
from which he came
pointing fingers at his teammates and assigning blame.
Scottie is tense
BJ's incensed
I bet jordon sends him packing for his insolence
My j is def
Mj I left
eatin' my dust, cuz I'm an EjF. [Exposer of jordon's
Foolishness]
I spanked his butt
like a teen,
7 for 28--he's a brick machine!
'Cause he's back
and I'm black
Well, he's back
and I'm black
Well, he's back, back
and I'm blue 'n' black
Yes, I'm blue 'n' black
Bricks -- Ouch!
(Sang to the tune of "Brick House" by the Commodores)
By Judden
[sung by Phil the Phool]
Chorus:
He shoots bricks – ouch!
He grabs back iron, shot goes in and out
He shoots bricks—ouch!
The shots he’ll miss, and I’ll get pissed
He’s in a state of bliss
He shoots bricks—ouch!
He’s the one, whose shots won’t fall,
[and] he won’t pass the basketball
He shoots bricks—ouch!
I’m his coach, he’s my foe
And here’s how the story goes
He knows he’ll miss everything
Yet he thinks that he’s so cool, yeah
How can he shoot the shots he shoots
6-for-36, what a brickin’ fool
Chorus
The bricks he shoots, his foolish ways
Make me wish I’d stayed in the C.B.A.
He knows how to pass, but yet he’ll abstain
A sure fire way to give me a migraine
Chorus
Brick-a-thon, brick-a-thon, brick-a-thon, thon!
(Sang to the tune of the "Green Acres" song)
By Judden
Background: This song takes place right after Scottie Pippen, who was recovering from an injury, said he would not be re-joining the Bulls for the remainder of the 1997-98 season, causing jordon to bellyache about Scottie was "letting the team down", while jordon conveniently ignored how HE had let the team down in the fall of 1993!
A duet by jordon and Pippen:
jordon:
Green Papers are the things for me
Ballhogging is the life for me
No playoff wins without the Pip'
Keep those rings, just give me more shot attempts
Pippen:
New York is where I'd rather play
I'll get propers and I'll get more pay
I just adore Da mighty Bears
Chi-Town I love you, but give me Madison Square
Pippen: Shoot-Score!
jordon: Shoot More!
Pippen: Get props!
jordon: Sweatshops!
jordon: I suck
Pippen: Goodbye, Big bucks!
Both: Green Papers, one shall have!
(sung to the tune of "Margaritaville", by Jimmy Buffet)
by Judden
[Background:
"My main project tomorrow is Luc, let him forget about this game.
Unfortunately he didn't have a great game, and a lot of people are going to
look to him as the reason why we didn't win. That's unfortunate for Luc.
Everybody has a bad game. He just kind of looked like he had the worst game
of tonight, but he's still our center. We've won with Luc, and we've lost
with Luc. And I will not give up on Luc. He just had a bad night. Now, he's
got to go out and get drunk and forget about it. "
- jordon, in Game 5 (1998 finals) post-game interview
Longley 23 min, 3-8 fg, 7 reb, 3 to, 37.5 fg%. Jordan 45 min, 9-26 fg, 4 reb,
4 to, 34.6 fg%]
Sung by
jordon:
Blamin' Luc Longley
For the way that the team played
In the game 5 home loss to Utah
To the press I sing,
with comments that will sting
They'll write what I say, and not what they saw.
Wastin' away again with Dennis, Luc, and Phil
Searchin' for my lost glory of yore
Some people say that my old age is to blame
But I know, no Pip--I suck more.
Here is my reason
You'll see me next season
With twenty-three wins, not seventy-two.
But I'll hog the the ball much more
My jockers will adore
my 1-d game, cuz they haven't a clue.
Wastin' away again with Dennis, Luc, and Phil
Searchin' for my lost glory of yore
Some people say that my old age is to blame
But I know, no Pip--I suck more.
My butt, John Starks will crop
Stephon, I can't stop
I fell on my face in game 6, on my home floor.
Pooh, he will use me.
Ive, will abuse me
But I'll spike Luc's drink, so I can shoot more.
Wastin' away again with Dennis, Luc, and Phil
Searchin' for my lost glory of yore
Some people say that my old age is to blame
But I know, no Pip--I suck more.
(Sung to the tune of "With or without you", by U2)
by Judden
An observation about the 1993-94 Bulls
See you quit in ’93
The predictions are gloomy
Just wait, you’ll see
Got Pete [Myers] from the CBA
He can’t fill your shoes, no way
They’ll suck without you
With or without you
With or without you
Teamwork pays, as the Bulls thrived
They passed the ball, won 55.
2 less than with you
With or without you
With or without you
They will win
With or without you
And you quit and ran away
And you quit and ran away
And you quit
And you quit
And you quit and ran away
So jordon cried [and]
Hue Hollins screwed Pip in game 5
SuperKnicks win 'cuz
he caused the Bulls to lose
And you quit and ran away
And you quit and ran away
And you quit
And you quit
And you quit and ran away
With or without you
With or without you
They will win
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
They will win
With or without you
With or without you
(sung to the tune of "I believe I can Fly" by R. Kelly)
By Judden
[Sung by jordon]
I used to think that I could do no wrong
And my career would go on and on
If a defender made me eat my stuff
I’d tell the ref that he got my arm
If the ref doesn’t see it, he’ll still call it
If I tell him of it, I know I’ll get it.
I believe I can cry
I’ll raise my voice up really high
I’ll kick my feet--on the ground I’ll lay
cuz I know I’ll get my way
I believe I'll sulk more
See me stomp my feet on the floor
I believe I can cry
I believe I can cry
(Oh) I believe I can cry
See Iverson was breaking me down
So I cried to the refs really loud
I held my breath until my face turned blue
Six fouls later, Iverson was through
If the ref doesn’t see it, he’ll still call it
If I tell him of it, I know I’ll get it.
I believe I can cry
I’ll raise my voice up really high
I’ll kick my feet--on the ground I’ll lay
cuz I know I’ll get my way
I believe I'll sulk more
See me stomp my feet on the floor
I believe I can cry
I believe I can cry
(Oh) I believe I can cry
(Sung to the tune of "The doe song" from The Sound of Music)
by Judden
[Sung by jordon]
(Sung to the tune of "Always a woman to me" by Billy Joel)
By Bob "The Glide" Davis
He can kill with a brick or turn over the
ball.
You know he will shoot, never passes at all.
And he shows us how bad that a player can be.
He's wearing six rings but he's always a ballhog to me.
Oh, he takes care of himself,
he is selling those Nikes,
his cologne smells like pikes.
Oh, and he never gives in,
yes he never retires,
he just changes his mind.
He could not make a shot in the garden of Eden.
He will carelessly brick 'em while Pippen is bleedin'.
He's the national symbol for unbridled greed.
And the most he will do is give bet IOUs and he's always a ballhog to me.
Sung to the tune of “Layla” by Eric Clapton.
By Judden
Sang by Jerry Krause.
What will you do in isolations
When Iverson drives by your side
You've been gunning, shooting far too much
On D you must swallow your pride
(Chorus)
Lay-ups, [your] sorry D results in
Lay-ups, Phil's begging no more
Lay-ups, won't you move your foolish behind
We gave you [a] contract extension
Like a fool, we took a chance on you
You turned the team inside out
You showed us your bad attitude
(repeat chorus)
Phil will now do some meditation
Before you drive him insane
You can't play, you got no game, Mj
You are foolish, weak and vain
(repeat chorus)
Based on "One" By U2
By Judden
This is based on the 1995 Bulls in the playoffs. That is the year that jordon came back from retirement to ruin any hopes they had of winning the championship.
Sung by Steve Kerr:
Are the Bulls better
Since back in March you came
Will it make it easier for us now
To go out and win games
You say...
One star
One ball
And it's your shot
Each and all
One ball
We got to share it
Orlando will beat us
But you don't care one bit
Did B.J. disappoint you
When he opened up his mouth
And said you act like you own us
And shots we'll do without
Well it's...
Too little
Too late
To claim you'll change our playoff fate
We're Bulls, but we're not teammates
We got to
Pass to each other
Pass to each other
One...
Have you come here for self-glory
Have you come to hurt the team
Have you come here to play O.J.
To our championship dream
Did I ask too much
When I asked for the rock
You gave me nothing
But a new shot clock [For jordon jockers: he shot
a brick]
We're Bulls
But we're not teammates
Cuz you've hogged the ball
And you'll hog it again
You say...
"You're a role player
You're supporting cast
You're a role player
Your role is to pass"
You ask me to pass it
But then you shoot a brick
And you say that it's my fault
That you missed
You selfish ballhog prick
One star
One crew
One team
You think it's made up of you
One ball
We pass freely
Scottie
Toni
We're Bulls
But we're not teammates
We got to
Pass to each other
Pass to each other
One...Ball
One
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