Exposers of jordon's Foolishness
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This is a list of people who have exposed jordon's foolishness. To read their comments, click on the hyperlink:
Here's a story from today's KC Star...
"Wilt Chamberlain is willing to debate about who is the greatest player in NBA history. He doesn't think it's Michael [jordon]. 'I have heard Michael [jordon] once say that he thought he was the greatest player of all time,' Chamberlain said in a television interview to be shown Friday night on the Classic Sports Network. 'I say to Michael, until they start changing the game because you are so great, then I don't think you should be giving yourself such accolades. In fact, your game, Michael, has been enhanced by some of the things the NBA has done. My game, it went the other way. They (the NBA) tried to stop me.'
Preach the truth, brother Wilt!!!!!!
Refs allowed other teams to be excessively physical with Wilt, in order to try to 'balance things out'. jordon, on the other hand, gets the benefit of every call, if an opponent so much as breathes on the guy. jordon controls the refs and we saw it point-blank in game 5 of the 1996 finals when they didn't eject him. Foolish jordon gets the benefits of well-defined rules for zones and closely called hand checks, and flagrant foul rules...benefits that Wilt didn't get.
Even off the court, Wilt beat jordon. Wilt was part of the team that threatened to boycott the televised all-star game if the league didn't recognize the player's union. jordon tried to selfishly kill the union because he wanted more money, because he's foolish, ballhoggedy, and greedy.
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Craig Ehlo exposes jordon's foolishness
In the SI 1996-97 Pro Basketball annual, they have a story on the worst defenders in the NBA. I found an interesting quote from Craig Ehlo, a man who has known jordon for a long time and has competed against him since jordon joined the league in 1984.
He says, "I don't think Michael's that great a defensive player, he's just so quick that they let him get away with a lot of zone or with guarding his man from farther away than he should be allowed."
I couldn't have said it better myself! jordon jocking refs let him get away with cheating, as usual. jordon's defense, at best, is a ZONE!
Oh yeah, I know what you jordon jockers will say "jordon has lit up Ehlo for 50 points on far too many occasions." This further proves my point: jordon's best defense is to try and outscore his counter-part. jordon never lived up to his rep when he entered the league as "the next Dr J." Instead, he's the next Cazzie Russell or George Gervin, except without the jump shot. jordon is the next "Ice Man" because he can't play defense and his bricking makes him an ice cold shooter.
Yet another expert lines up to prove jordon is a one-dimensional, no defense-playing, overhyped, overjocked, wretched ball hog. And unlike Wilt, you cannot say Ehlo is a grumpy old man wanting to relive the glory days!
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jordon exposes his own foolishness
Remember the Nike commercial where jordon confesses to the world how wretched, foolish, and ballhoggedy he really is?
He confesses how many bricks he shoots, how many game-ending chokes he performed and such. Then he states, "I fail over and over and over".
Why would he spill the beans?
Simple. Guilt. He knows he should not have been named to the top 50 players of
all time. jordon knows that he shouldn't be standing among such power power and
greatness. At the celebration of the top 50 players of all-time, you could see the guilt
face -- he WANTED to lick Dr. J's shoes and grovel before Wilt's feet.
Now, he gives a Jimmy Swaggart-like
confession revealing his foolishness.
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Rodzilla exposes jordon's foolishness!
jordon chucks up 15 more bricks. jordon shows his lack of fundamentals, as he throws up bricks from the free throw line in the crunch.
Oh my, with jordon playing so badly, how in the world can the BOOOLZ win with the "greatest player of all time" having such a terrible night?
Answer: they went to the WCW and picked up a wrestler. Even WCW wrestlers are better basketball players than jordon! Rodman and Hulk Hogan run a better pick and roll than jordon and Pippen (since jordon never passes, and since Hulk is a better 3 point shooter than jordon -- everyone is!).
Rodzilla shuts down the rightful 1998 MVP in the 4th quarter. Rodzilla proclaims before the game that he can shut down Malone on any day. jordon, in Game 5 of the 1996 finals, said he would "let his game speak for himself" and proceeded to brick his way to a Malone-like 2 point 4th quarter, and screamed at his teammates for "daring" to shoot. jordon is all hype. He can not cash the checks his big mouth writes. jordon is no Joe Nameth. jordon is no Rodzilla.
When jordon fires that ugly brick down the stretch, who holds off Malone the thug with one hand, while he gets the rebound with the other -- while Malone the thug throws him to the ground? Rodzilla. Who corrects jordon's many many many mistakes? Rodzilla. Who takes the albatross (jordon) off of Phil the Phool's neck? Rodzilla.
What does jordon have to say about Rodzilla? "I can never figure this guy out, and I'm not about to start. One day he's wrestling, and the next day he's defending."
a) jordon admits he can not figure out
b) Foolish jordon exposes his own ignorance. Rodman did not "defend" the
next day...he did it *2* days later! jordon is a liar!
Isn't it funny that Phil the Phool opted to leave the 9-time all-defensIEve jordon OFF of John Stockton? Gee, I wonder why? Maybe he saw how badly jordon defended Reggie Miller and Travis Best (not to mention Allen Iverson, Michael Finley, Pooh Richardson, and Super John Starks!).
Just remember, boys, girls, cockroaches, and cockroachettes, JUDDEN said [Sound clip] that Pippen and Rodman carry the team, not jordon. jordon is deadweight and only worth 2 wins. Documented fact!
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Phil the Phool exposes jordon's foolishness!
While surfing the net looking for a pic of Phil the Phool for this page, I ran across his bio on NBA.com. Check out this passage -- there is some jordon-jocking by the NBA.com folks, but just like the Bird article, jordon's foolishness comes shining through. Observe:
"The challenge, of course, was incorporating [jordon's] open-court wizardry into such a system. With a combination of tact, diplomacy, intelligence, and, when necessary, some friendly orders, Jackson pulled it off. "I'm not a controller," Jackson once told HOOP magazine, "but I'm strict." [jordon], of course, was still allowed to score pretty much whenever he wanted. But other players were expected to do more; when they did...the Bulls became virtually unbeatable."
Now, remember that I am the one who has said the Bulls have to not only overcome their opponents, but also jordon the albatross. I said that Phil lets jordon hog the ball, lest he meet the same fate as Doug Collins, but the other players are required to overcome jordon the ballhogging albatross/cancer.
NBA.com agrees that Judden is good, Judden is wise. jordon was allowed to ballhog "whenever he wanted", but the other players were expected to overcome jordon. How much more clearer can it get? Phil the Phool got the other 11 players to buy into the team and defensive philosophies that he learned from Super Red Holzman back when Phil was a SuperKnick.
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Larry Bird exposes jordon's foolishness on NBA.com!
Here are excerpts from Larry Bird's analysis of Foolish jordon from NBA.com:
"I was playing for the Boston Celtics the night in the 1986 playoffs when Michael [jordon] scored 63 points. ... He probably played his best game ever that night."
In that game, jordon missed a wide-open
shot that could have won the game (see below). Larry Legend is saying that jordon at his
best is a choker!
"That's why I can't understand how anybody would want to push him in any way to leave before he is ready. I'd like to see him stay and play."
As stated above, Bird said he was GLAD to
say goodbye to Bernard King in the playoffs. If jordon were so great, why would Bird want
jordon to stay around and deny the Pacers titles? Answer: He knows jordon is a cancer to
the biggest threat in his (Bird's) division, the Bulls (well, the other 11 Bulls). He
wants jordon to stay around, so he can abuse jordon. As long as the Bulls lose either
Rodman or Pippen, the Bulls will be no threat. If jordon is there, his cancerous ways will
actually cost the team! Also, if jordon plays 3 more years, his big ego will want $40-50M
dollars per year. Bird wants the Bulls to have their cap tied up, so the Pacers can more
easily pursue free agents.
"When he first came into the league, he took a lot of shots and he looked like he was a little undisciplined...But in the next couple of years, he started coming on. He started getting better players around him and all of a sudden he became the king of the court."
Notice, jordon is the only player initially referred to. Therefore, Larry is saying in the following years, jordon got teammates who were BETTER THAN jORDON! Of course! Bill Cartwright, Horace Grant, B.J. Armstrong, and Scottie Pippen were all better than Foolish jordon! Not surprisingly, as more of these superior-to-jordon players became Bulls, the Bulls were able to advance deeper and deeper into the playoffs. After they had advanced to the conference finals, Bird wrote "Drive". In "Drive" he states that jordon (the "king of the court") was NOT better than Magic. He also stated that jordon was not a better scorer than the TRUE King, Bernard. Bird's reference to jordon being "king of the court" is obviously a tongue-in-cheek statement. jordon only became "king" b/c the Bulls got Pippen and other players who were better than jordon). Even though these players were better, jordon still thought he was the "king" b/c he was the bully thug and the ballhog. He proved he was a dictator when he ran Doug Collins out of town for asking him to hog the ball less, even though the team did better when jordon hogged less.
Bird maybe the greatest basketball mind in history! If he came out and said, "jordon is a foolish 1-dimensional ballhog, and I could put on a uniform and STILL school him!" then the official jordon web page (NBA.com) would not put it on. NBA.com, the web fools who claimed the 1996 Bulls were better than the 1987 Lakers, because they played the 2 teams against each other on the video game NBA Live, aren't interested in truth, only jordon-jocking. In writing this disguised pimp-slapping, Bird accomplished 3 things
Exposed jordon's foolishness
Confirmed that Judden is good. Judden is wise.I couldn't have said it better myself!
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jordon's mother exposes jordon's foolishness!
jordon's mother was the featured guest on ESPN's "Sunday Conversation" on Mother's Day (May 10, 1998). She said of all her children, Foolish jordon was the laziest! No surprise. jordon himself admits this in his own book, and this lack of work ethic is reflected in his game. He joined the league over 16 years and he STILL can't shoot 3 pointers from 23 feet!
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jordon's restaurant exposes jordon's foolishness!
Added September 7, 1998
First of all, this article is not meant to reflect negatively on the food at foolish jordon's restaurant. I stand by my endorsement of it and still truthfully acknowledge (because I am unbiased in matters concerning foolish jordon) that jordon is one of the finest chefs on the planet and the food he serves is simply delicious beyond description.
HOWEVER, that doesn't cover up jordon's foolishness! Nay, not even jordon's restaurant can conceal jordon's foolishness. I was in the Chicago area over the weekend and went by foolish jordon's restaurant. Unfortunately, time constraints prevented me from dining there (jordon's superior cooking results in a long waiting list!) and I had to settle for Gino's pizza - which is good, but not as good jordon's food (if I had known about the graffiti allowed, I would have brought writing material and wrote this URL at Gino's, though!). As I walked by foolish jordon's, I saw he had banners on the outside of his restaurant proclaiming his "greatness" (hoping to reinforce the brainwashing for the clueless masses). To see a picture of the front of his restaurant, click here (this may not work...the link has been acting erratic). These banners really show how 1-dimensional of a ballhog he is, as they proclaim how many points he scored (as a result of his ballhogging), while nothing is written about his paltry rebounds, assists, etc (if Wilt Chamberlain wanted to open a restaurant and hang banners, he'd have to buy O'Hare International Airport, since he would have too many banners to hang on one 3 story building).
Anyway, one of these banners say "5 Titles". I was there nearly 3 months after the Bulls won their 6th title. Does this mean jordon cannot count? Hardly! jordon is not stupid (though the same cannot be said for his jockers!). jordon is expressing his guilty conscience, as he KNOWS the Bulls did not deserve the 1991 title. In Game #1, the Lakers won AT CHICAGO, as Magic torched jordon and jordon chucked one of his many career-record buzzer bricks. Then, James Worthy's ankle injury flared up and Byron Scott suffered a shoulder injury. Only then could the Bulls win, and even then, they struggled to win, including the decisive game 5, when the Lakers played Terry Teagle, rookie Elden Campbell, rookie Tony Smith, and 2nd year Vlade Divac alongside the 3 Laker veterans. Worthy's injury allowed Phil "the Phool" Jackson, the freedom to put Scottie Pippen on Magic Johnson on the defensive end, since jordon could not stop him. jordon simply knows that if not for the Lakers' injuries, that the Lakers would have swept the series, so jordon refuses to acknowledge the championship. jordon's restaurant even exposes jordon's foolishness!
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Mark McGwire exposes jordon's foolishness!
Added September 9, 1998
How about a compare/contrast
between a real American hero (Mark McGwire) and a real American goat (jordon)?
In 1961, Roger Maris broke the most famous record in baseball by hitting 61 home runs for the season. In 1962, Wilt Chamberlain set the most impressive basketball season record (50.4 PPG) and single game record (100 points).
Since then, many players have chased both records. Each league has done its respective part to help players by changing rules to help the offenses. In baseball, they lowered the pitchers mound and shrunk the strike zone, giving batters favorable pitches. In basketball, they added rules strictly defining zones and removing the hand-checks. Furthermore, jordon gets to shoot free throws after shooting bricks, simply because he bricked, thanks to the jordon-jocking refs. Both leagues have also diluted the talent of the opposition through expansion.
McGwire, a real American hero, was able to take advantage of these rules changes and break Maris' 37 year old record. Congratulations go out to him for his achievement. jordon has not been able to make a legitimate run at Chamberlains 36 year old record. jordon has yet to score as many points in a game as Chamberlain did after 3 quarters in his 100 point game. In spite of his 1-dimensional ballhogging, jordon has yet to come within 75% of Wilts 50.4 PPG season (and Wilt wasnt a 1-dimensional ballhog!) Despite jordons miserable failures, the press still jock him as the greatest scorer ever. This would be the equivalent of declaring McGwire the greatest home run hitter ever, after he hit his 24th home run this season! Sad, when NBC is so desperate to show history in the making, that they have to manufacture it. McGwire will withstand the test of history. jordons foolishness will be exposed by it!
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Cubs expose jordon's foolishness!
Foolish jordon is at it again!
Asked to throw out the first pitch in the Cubs-Giants playoff game, Michael jordon went out to the mound sporting a Sammy Sosa jersey, because Sosa, unlike jordon, is a real Chicago sports hero.
jordon, who once thought he could succeed in professional baseball, had one simple task: to "pass" the baseball a mere 60 feet, 6 inches to Sosa. Since jordon jockers say he is the "greatest athlete ever" and such a great passer, this would be a simple task, no?
jordon chucked the ball well over Sosa's head. Too bad Bob Ueker wasn't announcing the game -- he could have said "Juuuuuuust a bit outside!".
Was jordon's true intentions to make Sosa stretch out (while jumping up high in the air to catch jordon's "pass") and pull a muscle--because jordon is jealous of Sosa? (Sosa could break Maris' 37 year old home record, but jordon has yet to seriously challenge Wilt's 36 year old scoring records!) Or is jordon simply THAT bad at passing a ball, since he never does it? Hmmmmmmm.
In other news, jordon has allegedly offered the fan who caught Mark McGwire's 70th home run $1 million for the ball. Is jordon into collecting baseball memorabilia? No. jordon just wants the ball because he's a ballhog! Also, jordon is considering changing his nickname "Air." jordon simply cannot fly like he used to (even though he never could dunk from the free throw line!), so jordon is considering using a more descriptive nickname -- using Randy Johnson's nickname, "The Big Unit."
"Super John Starks and basketball been very very bad to me!" - jordon
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NBA Union Exposes jordon's foolishness!
It's good to see the modern day
Benedict Arnold exposed for what he is!
"It means a great deal to have a key guy like him [jordon] come out and support the union. He gives us a voice greater than we would have otherwise. He's a force in the league. He's done a lot for both sides."
--Tyrone Corbin, member of the NBA player's union's executive board, as reported in USA Today, October 29, 1998.
Duh! jordon will help whichever side benefits him the most. He tried to destroy the union in 1995. In 1990, he fought tooth and nail against the union on cutting back player's salaries slightly to help retired players. Then, he sent threatening messages through his lapdog, David Falk, to team rep Craig Hodges not to vote on it. When Hodges voted his conscience (obviously against jordon), he even said that he expected to be traded because of it.
The players are making a grave mistake if they really believe that jordon supports them because he's for the players. jordon only supports the proverbial #1 (except, really #23, since he doesn't support Wilt). If the league makes him a better offer, he'll stab his "union brothers" in the back, just like he did in 1995.
And why, oh why, does jordon want to help the union? jordon wants the players to feel comfortable in their solidarity, so that the lockout will prolong. Every game jordon stays off of the court is another game that he prevents being humiliated. jordon doesn't want to play the SuperKnicks this year, because he knows that SuperPatrickEwing and SuperJohnStarks are ready to make him taste bitter defeat.
Need more proof?
The next day, in USA Today, jordon
said that he is pleased with the talks. Hmmmmm. No resolution, and that
apparently pleases jordon. The 2 sides are $200M apart, and that also apparently pleases
Judden's next bold prediction: When (if) this lockout is resolved, the league kneaux that it will suffer with many no shows, just like baseball endured. Basketball has nobody who can threaten Wilt's records, therefore, there is no Mark McGwire's to save it. Therefore, David S(a)tern will negotiate with jordon a deal that if jordon comes back for another year or 2 (to keep the jockriders supporting the league), then he will give jordon even MORE preferential treatment. The level of preferential treatment jordon received this year wasn't enough to spare him humiliation as he continued chucking up buzzer bricks and had a terrible shooting year and his defensive defecincies were further exposed. jordon needs even MORE help and S(a)tern will offer it, along with a special "jordon exception" to whatever agreement they come to, allowing jordon more money than both sides agree on. Count on it! S(a)tern played favorites with Larry Bird (Bird exception) and he's done it with jordon and he will continue to do so.
Tyrone Corbin. Simply exposing jordon's duplicity.
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Rick Reilly exposes jordon's foolishness!
Updated January 14, 1998
Rick Reilly is a writer for Sports Illustrated. He has written articles that expose jordon's foolishness. Here is a very powerful exposť. He does a little jordon jocking, but not everyone is clearly enlightened about jordon's foolishness. He does expose some powerful points. Here is his article -- I have corrected his spelling:
Well, it wasn't exactly Sophie's
Choice, was it?
I mean, it was either a) play the game of your life, hold the pose and retire in eye-aching glory, or b) come back for a sawed- off season full of puffy daddies stumbling around for teams Scotch-taped together at a chaotic two-week yard sale.
It was either stop at the absolute top -- the way Muhammad Ali didn't, the way Wayne Gretzky hasn't, the way Willie Mays wouldn't -- or drag your legend through the slop. We'll give you all the time you need. Is 10 seconds enough?
And yet, somehow, it took Michael jordon seven months to make the decision.
Seven months! Carmen Electra could get married 42 times in seven months! Your new Pentium 4000X PowerLap will be obsolete in less time! The Malaysian red-eared sloth gestates, delivers and expires in less than seven months! Thank God, jordon's not working the ER.
Nurse: Dr. jordon! This kid's in big trouble! What should we do?
jordon: Ummm, well, let me run that by Charles and get back to you.
Not that anybody was eager to hear. Just the NBA, NBC, the Chicago Bulls, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, 198 other free agents, Dow Jones, America, the world and Radio Free Neptune.
You say, Wait a minute! Michael was just holding off to bolster the players' position during negotiations to end the lockout!
Some bolstering. jordon was about as much help as Boutros Boutros-Ghali. He'd show up for a meeting or two, as long as there were hot and cold running craps tables, but that's about it. Without him, the players crumbled like Roquefort, becoming the first sports union in history to agree to put a lid on what athletes can make. Thanks to the leadership of Billy Hunter, who trained under Custer, a player who had the potential to make $30 million a year last month, now can never make more than $14 million. Hey, where do we sign?
Not long ago, jordon said he'd announce his decision when the lockout ended. It ended. jordon was playing golf in the Bahamas. The next day jordon was playing golf in the Bahamas. The next day jordon was playing golf in the Bahamas.
The Bulls said they weren't lifting a hoof until they heard from jordon. The league froze. A whole line of free agents bumped into the back of one another. For jordon it must've been some wonderful ego trip: the world waiting for you on one crammed corner, rain dripping off guys' hats as each of them lifted his watch to his ear to see if the damn thing was still ticking. "Scottie's been trying to reach him," Jimmy Sexton, Pippen's agent, said three days after the agreement was reached. "Nobody knows where he is."
Can you believe that? Here was Pippen, without whom jordon's fingers go naked, ready to finally step forward and cash his first big lotto ticket (Pippen made $30 million less than jordon in salary alone last season), and jordon left him cooling in the lobby.
And you are ...?
It's not just Pippen. The Bulls have four signed players. Four! Currently the second Luv-a-Bull from the right is scheduled to start at power forward. Club chairman Jerry Reinsdorf didn't know whether to reload or rebuild. "I'm going to talk to Michael directly," he said, "or through somebody."
That's nice. The guy who's paid you $63 million over the last two seasons has to talk to you through your valet? jordon has talked to Daffy Duck more than Reinsdorf in the last six months.
And what about poor Tim Floyd, Chicago's coach-in-perpetual-waiting? He's still director of basketball operations, "just in case Michael wants to name his own coach," said one Bulls executive. Terrific! In this way jordon was able to jerk around his owner, his best teammate and his coach! It's
Sock Puppet Theater!
Look, I know I'm interrupting the papal services here. I know that the rest of the world considers jordon the greatest human being since Gandhi. I'm not saying jordon wasn't a great player, maybe the greatest basketball player in history, and the way he's going out -- if he stays out, which I doubt -- is perfect. But nobody else would be allowed to treat people this way.
jordon has people who wax his wheels and shine his shoes and buff his brass. He has people who fashion his clothes and tend his toes and powder his nose. He has three guys to watch his back and three his front and one just to let him win at Scrabble.
Too bad he doesn't have anybody to tell him when he's being a jerk.
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Wilt Chamberlain exposes jordon's foolishness again!
Added January 16, 1998
Here is an excerpt from Wilt's online interview on MSNBC. To read the complete transcript, go to my Wilt tribute page (see Links):
Host Chris_MSNBC2 says:
Question...how do you rate Elgin Baylor vs. jordon?
Host Wilt_Chamberlain says:
I would think that that's a good match. I think people should talk about that match more. Both have very incredible body control, movements and how they score points. I think Elgin is stronger and a
better rebounder, in showmanship in today's market you have to go with jordon, but I have to go with Elgin.
Host Wilt_Chamberlain says:
jordon is easier to market because basketball has now become a game of entertainment as the style of the Harlem Globetrotters. He's a great player in the technical sense, but is also a great showman.
Elgin could do some things that I don't think Michael jordon could do.
* * * * *
Exactly! Elgin Baylor is FAR better than jordon -- unless one needs a Globetrotter!
Wilt. Simply enlightened!
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Rick Reilly exposes jordon's foolishness again!
Rick Reilly is a writer for Sports Illustrated. He has written articles that expose jordon's foolishness. Here is another very powerful exposť. He does a little jordon jocking, but not everyone is clearly enlightened about jordon's foolishness. He does expose some powerful points. Here is his article -- I have corrected his spelling:
I'll say it. I'm sick of the Chicago
Bulls. Sick, sicker, sickest.
I'm especially sick of Michael Jordan. Yeah, he's great, he's wonderful, and most American males would gladly undergo a sex-change operation just to have his children. As for me, I'm hoping he gets locked aboard the Mir space station for a few years.
Nothing personal, but I'm sick of his face. I'm sick of his putting his head down in the last two minutes and body-slamming people and getting every call. And I'm very sick of his tongue. I don't think I should have to see more of Michael Jordan's tongue than Michael Jordan has to see.
I'm extra sick of this idea that Jordan is the greatest player in NBA history. Larry Bird had a better jumper than he did, rebounded better, passed better and did it all before the NBA became the Toronto Expansions, starring three college freshmen and a high school kid.
For that matter, I'm sick of NBC's Ahmad Rashad, too. I've waited seven years for him to ask Jordan a question, and I'm pretty sure it's not coming. You guys sure hung in there, Michael is not a question. That was some game, Michael is not a question. When is your contract up, Ahmad? is a question. Are you expecting a real question from a man who sleeps at Jordan's house, drives with him to games and appears in Jordan's ads? I just hope and pray that when Jordan finally stops, he doesn't do it too suddenly. Rashad's nose could break off.
I'm sick of Dennis Rodman. I'm Rod-numb on Rodman. He has dyed his hair every color in the 64 Crayola box, and now he's paying some sort of tribute to the flag of Togo. If he came out with his hair on fire, I'm not sure I'd look twice. Once a guy has publicly worn pages 3 through 21 of the Victoria's Secret catalog, the ol' shock-o-meter is on empty. Rodman says he wants to end his career playing naked. Let's get on with it. What better place than Salt Lake City? Otherwise, the hand's played out, Cowboy.
I'm sick of Phil Jackson's whining about the refs. I'm sick of his being so d*mned peaceful and centered the rest of the time. I know every mighty river begins with one small raindrop, and I don't care. Go coach in Seattle. Go levitate off a rock somewhere. Just go.
O.K., none of this is fair. So sue me. It's like having relatives stay for a month. They may be a family of Nobel Prize winners, but if Aunt Helga cracks her knuckles one more time, I'm going to stick her in the Cuisinart. I know the triangle offense better than many Bulls do. I'm sitting there, half asleep, going, No, Luc, no. You fake the handoff and spin left there.
I crave a new champion. I don't much care if it's the Utah Jazz or Bakersfield Transmission College, I'm begging the Bulls to lose. When they do, I don't want to hear anybody call this the greatest dynasty of all time. It isn't. Just remember this: Chicago's five titles have come against these five
starting centers: Vlade Divac (Los Angeles Lakers), Kevin Duckworth (Portland Trail Blazers), Mark West (Phoenix Suns), the Other Ervin Johnson (Seattle SuperSonics) and Greg Ostertag (Jazz). Meanwhile, the Real Earvin Johnson had to beat a front line of Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish, while Bird had to beat a front line of James Worthy, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Kurt Rambis. And I seem to recall the Celtics' winning 11 titles in 13 years. Winning an NBA title in the '90s is like being crowned Miss Latvia.
Most of all, I'm sick of Bulls fans. I'm sick of every fat, balding dry cleaner from Rockford wearing a number 23 jersey, screaming, "Yeah, baby. We did it!" No, sir, you did not do it. They did it. You ingested nine Stroh's and three brats and sat in your Barcalounger screaming things nobody could hear, including your wife, who left in March.
Vice president of basketball operations Jerry Krause put this team together, and now he says it's time to take it apart. He's right. Somebody named Howard Eisley is blowing by Jordan as if Michael were a roadside Stuckey's, and Steve Kerr moves just slightly slower than the Chicago Hilton, and Jackson's pep talks involve "getting comfortable with the notion of loss." Please let Krause do his job. Nobody wanted to shoot Old Yeller, either.
It's like we're all throwing this big goodbye party, and it's 2 a.m., and the
guest of honor won't leave. So go already, Bulls.
How else can we start missing you?
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Swisher Sweets expose jordon's foolishness!
Did you hear about Foolish
Michael jordon's right index finger? Did you see it bandaged up at his retirement
announcement? Poor guy! What was he doing? Chopping up ingredients for his superior
restaurant (since jordon is a world class chef)? Was he wresting crocodiles?
No! jordon cut it with a cigar cutter and severed a tendon!
Perhaps I should teach jordon how to operate one of those devices. It's not hard. Even a jordon jocker can figure it out. The cigar, not your finger, goes in the hole.
And just what the heck was jordon doing cutting a Swisher, anyway? (Foolish jordon probably smokes foolish cigars) Swishers have that hole in the end, so they don't have to be cut!
Foolish jordon!!! When Super Patrick Ewing is lighting up his victory cigar next year, watch and learn as he cuts it!
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Inside Stuff Magazine exposes jordon's foolishness!
Added February 13, 1999
Sent to me by Kenny Khun
After the 96-97 season, NBA Inside Stuff magazine simulated the season using NBA Live for Playstation, and the Bulls went 69-13. THen they replaced jordon and made Jud Beuchler the team's starting shooting guard, and the Bulls improved to 74-8. More proof that they were better off without him! (Click here for more statistical proof that jordon hurt the Bulls on both ends of the court).
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