The Wisdom of SuperKnicksFan
These are a collection of posts from the legendary SuperKnicksFan, who graced the usenet group rec.sport.basketball.pro with his presence from 1995-1997. He opened up the eyes of many (myself included) to jordon's foolish ways and his posts were inspirations to many! SKF was one of the all-time great free-thinkers and this modern-day genius was despised and ridiculed by many jordon jockers. However, he persevered and now an army of fellow free-thinkers have taken on his just cause to expose jordon's foolishness and prove that jordon is the most overrated player in history!
Subject: ENOUGH OF THE JORDON BULL****!!!
Date: 1995/10/19
I am sick and tired of reading disgusting newsposts that jock jordon. jordon is not a good player, and the bulls are not a good team,and this is why:
Best Current NBA Players:
1)Patrick EWing: Ewing is a better defender than jordon, has better moves, gets more rebounds, blocks, and doesn't ballhog the ball, Ewing is a team player.
2)Grant Hill- Grant Hill is better than jordon and has better moves. Grant is better offensively and defensively, and likes to pass the ball around. Grant Hill is an annual threat to be the scoring leader.
3)Glenn Robinson- Robison is a better scorer than jordon , and a better defender. When Robison plays against the foolish bulls, he makes jordon foolish and weak and makes jordon whimper about not having team support and good team chemistry. If Glenn played during the preseason last year, he would have had developed his skills much better and would have challenged for the scoring title.Due to contract negotiations, that didn't happen, but it will happen in the near future and jordon will never again become the scoring leader.
4)Jerry Stackhouse- Jerry is quicker and has better moves than jordon, and if given enough playing time will rank high in the NBA leaders in scoring and field goal percentage.
5)Juwan Howard- Howard is a team player, unlike jordon, with his scoring, rebounding and passing.
6)Chris Webber- Webber is a very, very, much better all-round player than jordon with his scoring, rebounding, assists, steals, and blocks, and should be high up there in NBA scoring leaders.
7)Hakeem Olajuwon-Hakeem is better than jordon and is much quicker. He plays better defense,and rebounds and PASSES well, and blocks shots. Last season, Hakeem had a higher scoring average that jordon.
8)Joe Smith- Smith has better scoring talents than jor-done and is a better defender.
9)Anfernee Hardaway- Penny is quicker and better than jor-done, passes the ball, and rebounds better. Last season in the playoffs, Penny dominated jordone and the bullies.
10)Shaquille O'neal- enough said.
11)Rasheed Wallace- Rasheed has better passing, scoring, and rebounding skills than jor-done.
12)Karl Malone-Karl is a more consistent scorer than jor-done, and is great in rebounding.
13)Derrick Coleman-Coleman is poised for a big season, and will display much more of his unlimited potential and make jor-done look clumsy and foolish.
14)Latrell sprewell- Spree has better scoring talents than jor-done, and if he didn't have great scorers on his tem such as Chris Mullin and Tim Hardaway and etc., he could have averaged 30 ppg this season and do it year after year.
15)Shwan Kemp- Kemp has a better power game than jor-done and is great in passing, rebounding, stealing and shooting.
16)David Robinson-Robinson had a higher ppg average last season than jor-done and a much better field goal percentage.
the list goes on and on, so don't count on jor-done as being the best player because there are better players than him.
Best NBA Teams:
1)The SUPERKNICKERBOCKERS are the best team in the NBA. They have the best defensive, rebounding, scoring, and clutch play skills, and are very underrated. The referees don't like their style of play because the Knicks' style makes a winning combination and makes other teams suffer and lose, so the referees are hard on the Knicks and make many unfair calls.
2)Orlando Magic is a better team than Chicago and will crush them year after year in the playoffs.
3)Detroit Pistons, led by the great Grant Hill, will be a much better defending and scoring team and will slaughter the Bullies this season.
4)Golden State Warriors have future scoring champion Joe Smith, Spree, Mullin, and Hardaway. Oh man Imagine what the bench is like. If the Bulls ever cross their path , the bulls will suffer much.
5)Houston Rockets are defending champions and have many weapons, such as three-pointers, rebounding, scoring, and defense, which are beyond comparison when trying to compare them to the bull's weak weapons.
6)Washington Bullets-Mark Price? The vastly improved Gheorghe Muresan? Juwan Howard? Future rebounding and scoring champion CHRIS WEBBER? Who else? The bulls and jor-done certainly have big trouble.
7)Dallas Mavericks- Future scoring champs Jim Jackson and Jamal Mashburn? Improved rebounder Popeye Jones? Improved point guard Jason Kidd?- who is better than Magic Johnson? Look for them to sweep the bulls this season.
There are other teams that are better than the bulls, but these teams aforementioned are the most powerful. So the Bulls aren't going anywhere this season, and jor-done will remain hungry for another title for the rest of his ballhogging career, and should retire because he can never be the all-time career leader in anything because Shaquille O'neal has the potential to be the all time leader in points scored and probably rebounding, Mutombo in blocks, Jason Kidd in assists, John Stockton in steals, Mark Price in free throws made, and Glenn Robinson, Grant Hill, Shaquille O'neal or Kevin Garnett in alltime NBA Highest career scoring average. So, before the 95-96 season begins, it can be said that jor-done and the bulls are finished and will lose more than gain, and jordon should retire because his career scoring average is going to dip below 30 ppg because there are better defenders than him and quicker players than him. John Starks, the greatest shooting guard in history, will make jordon look foolish and weak, and make jordon to miss most of his shots.
Subject: GRANT HILL IS GREAT AND DRINKS SPRITE
Date: 1995/11/09
Grant Hill is a better player than jordon - who isn't? Grant Hill is a team player - he likes to pass and make his teammates play better - unlike jordon. jordon only wants his teammates to keep ongiving him the ball so that he can keepon shooting and shooting, and missing and missing. Grant Hill will lead his team to the promised land in less time than Pippen took his team by luck to the Finals.Get it and get it good. Jordon is a bad player. It were really Pippen And HORACE GRANT, mostly Pippen, who lead the bulls by luck to three championships. Grant Hill, after winning ROY, will be in the top four in MVP voting every year for the next 20 years, for the Pistons are destined for fame by this well-talented guy and will crush the bulls in the playoffs. If jordon decides to ballhog the ball to score points, then Grant Hill willgo on a shooting barrage and sink more field goals at a higher rate than jordon will, and grant Hill will make jordon look clumsy and weak and make him look as if he needs to play in a wheelchair because GRANT hill is quicker than jordon and will make jordon sweat much and get tired fast, and make jordon travel slower than a snail because he should reretire because he will no get any more championship rings and his records will be broken and he will accomplish nothing except for the accomplishment of being a ballhog and a bad influence to the bulls and a nuiscance to the development of the bulls players because they will never be considered great because jordon ballhogs the ball and doesn't give them a chance to create their own shots .
Subject: John Starks is GReat
Date: 1995/12/07
When the Knicks played the bulls, it was sad that the Knicks lost. But the bulls won by luck, as always. John Starks dominated over jordon. John Starks 9-12 FG 25 points michel jordon 8-27 FG 22 points.
The Knicks rule and will defeat the bulls in the future. Ewing will get stronger during the course of the season, and will dominate over many games.
Subject: A message to the fools who think that I'm a psycho.
Date: 1996/01/04
During the curse of last year, there had been many RSBP posters who said that I am crazy for the stuff that I post and the way that I think. Well, let me tell you one thing, I am not crazy, and I will prove it. During the Fall 1995 term at Polytechnic, I had taken a class called "Introduction to Psychology" and received a grade of an A-. So the fools who have said that I am crazy are wrong and foolish and are crazy themselves.
Subject: WILT CHAMBERLAIN IS A BETTER PLAYER THAN jordon
Date: 1996/01/04
In this post, I will show that Wilt Chamberlain is a better player than jordon by using power points. Unfortunately, blocks and steals were not recorded during Chamberlain's time, but Chamberlain's rebounding was great, so it will be more than enough to show that he is a better player than jordon.
Wilt Chamberlain's Career Stats
Games FG% FT% Rebounds Assists PPG
1045 .540 .511 23924 4643 30.1
Power Points = Rebounds/games + Assists/games
= 22.89 + 4.44
= 27.33
Chamberlain has 27.33 power points, excluding the blocks and steals that weren't recorded.
jordon's career stats
Games FG% FT% Rebounds Assists Steals Blocks PPG
684 .514 .845 4336 4025 1845 697 32.2
Powerpoints =rebounds/games + assists/games + Steals/games + blocks/games
=6.34 + 5.88 + 2.70 + 1.02
=15.94
jordon has 15.94 power points.
Wilt Chamberlain has more power points than jordon, and is certainly a better player than jordon. The margin between them is big, more than 10 power points!! Looking at FG%, Chamberlain's is much higher than jordon's. If jordon is quite stoppable, because Chamberlain had a higher FG%. Chamberlain averaged 22.89 rebounds per game! Wow! jordon is not even averaging in double figures in rebounding. Chamberlain is certainly a more powerful player than jordon. It is alright for Chamberlain to average 30.1 points per game, for he is averaging in double figures in rebounding, and so he is no ballhog. It is wrong for jordon to average 32.2 points per game, for he is not averaging in double figures in either rebounding, stealing, assists, and blocks, so he is certainly a ballhog.
Wilt Chamberlain also would have had a higher sscoring average than jordon, but during the last third of his career he made much fewer field goal attempts, causing his average to plummet. It was weird that his scoring average became lower, for Wilt Chamberlain even produced better FG%'s along the way. Well, I guess that his coach probably told him to take fewer field goal attempts. So jordon has the highest career scoring average by luck.
Subject: Most foolish commercials ever
Date: 1996/03/20
These are the most foolish commercials ever - The one with the fool jordon dunking in he desert. The one with things moving on top of jordon's head. The one in which jordon is in a stadium by himself, makes a dunk so high that he can't get off the rim, for if he let go , he would fall splat on the floor.
Subject: SUPERKNICKSFAN 227 - jordon 78 (Part 1 of 4)
Date: 1996/04/18
Madison Square Garden, New York
The powerful SuperKnicksFan scored 227 points against jordon in a one-on-one half-court single game contest. When SuperKnicksFan scored a personal total of 100 points in the Second Quarter, many Knicks fans and jordon jockers gave SuperKnicksFan a standing ovation. SuperKnicksFan went on to torment jordon, and grabbed a game-high 103 rebounds.
1st Quarter - 12 minutes
SuperKnicksFan 23 - jordon 29
Early in the First Quarter, SuperKnicksFan had trouble shooting because this is the first time in a long time that SuperKnicksFan ever played one-on-one basketball. SuperKnicksFan also had to get used to the foolish jordon moves. SuperKnicksFan, later in the Quarter allowed jordon to score only 4 points in the last 4 minutes. jordon shot 7 - 14 FG. jordon also missed all 5 three-point shots. jordon had 20 free throw shots, due to SuperKnicksFan's tenacious defense, on 15 - 20 FT shooting. SuperKnicksFan struggled on offense, shooting 7 - 28 (very jordonlike shooting), making all 5 three- point shots, and shot 4 - 5 FT. But on defense, SuperKnicksFan was awesome, blocking 3 shots, with 3 steals. jordon, only managed 1 blocked shot, and 1 steal. SuperKnicksFan also outrebounded jordon 16 - 8. After the 1st quarter expired, jordon started smiling proudly of his accomplishments, but not for long.
SuperKnicksFan's total stats
FGA FGM FTA FTM Rebounds Steals Blocks Points
28 7 5 4 14 3 3 23
jordon's total stats
FGA FGM FTA FTM Rebounds Steals Blocks Points
14 7 20 15 8 1 1 29
The Second Quarter will be coming up later!!!!!
Subject: SUPERKNICKSFAN 227 - jordon 78 (Part 2 of 4)
Date: 1996/05/08
Madison Square Garden, New York
Score after 1st Quarter SKF 23 - jordon 29
Score after 2nd Quarter ( 12 Minutes )
SuperKnicksFan 104 - jordon 50
SuperKnicksFan came out of a 1st quarter slump by thrashing the foolish and weak jordon with 81 second quarter points. SuperKnicksFan harassed jordon defensively, blocking 6 shots with 6 swipes. jordon shot a usual 7 - 40 FG's, and 7 -13 Ft's. jordon did not block any of SuperKnicksFan's shots, considering jordon's advantage in height - jordon is 6-6 while SuperKnicksFan is 5-8. SuperKnicksFan shot 35 - 50 FG's made 5 - 7 three pointers and a perfect 6 -6 from the charity stripe. jordon missed all three 3-pointer attempts. SuperKnicksFan grabbed 31 rebounds compared to jordon's 6 rebounds. jordon also managed 2 assists. A jordon jocker got so mad about the butchering of jordon that he got out on the floor to help jordon to try to come within 30 points of SuperKnicksFan.
The jordon jocker, who shot 2 for 10 FG's, was soon kicked out of the game as David Stern replaced the jordon jocking referee with another referee. The jordon jocker's stats are combined with jordon's stats.
SuperKnicksFan simply outblew jordon. At the end of the 2nd quarter, jordon went to weep in his locker room, refusing to talk to the press. One journalist overheard jordon muttering to himself, 'At least I managed to swipe SuperKnicksFan once.' As jordon made his way to the locker room, many KnicksFans and many jordon jockers were laughing at the fool jordon.
SuperKnicksFan's total stats
FGA FGM FTA FTM Rebounds Steals Blocks Points
78 42 11 10 45 9 9 104
jordon's total stats
FGA FGM FTA FTM Rebounds Assists Steals Blocks Points
54 14 33 22 14 2 2 1 50
The third quarter will be coming up later!!!!
Post # 29
Subject: ...AND THE BULLS' HACK-A-THON CONTINUES
Date: 1996/05/13
Rodman with a technical
jordon with a flagrant foul
jordon. Simply a ballhogging wretch.
Player # of Fouls
Longley 6
Rodman 6
jordon 5
I was suprised in Game Four that the Powerful SuperKnickerbockers were not sent to the hospital due to all the Bulls' hacking. jordon obviously Hacked more than five time. And the jordon jockers don't believe that the refs want to give the series to the Bulls. Well, yes the refs do, and if the jordon jockers refuse to believe it, it's because they themselves are foolish and weak like the Ballhog jordon.
Post # 63
Subject: Foolish jordon cologne
Date: 1996/10/15
Now the foolish jordon jockers have come up with this stinky and smelly jordon cologne! What the h*ll is this? Are they going to make jordon condoms next? I can imagine what advertising slogan they will put on: "One size fits bricks and balls." Fortunately, however, powerful people who put this cologne on have a powerful force against the jordon jocking influence this cologne has on its users, while foolish and weak people instantaneously become jordon jockers. Oh, yes, by the way jordon jockers do not have to put this cologne on, for it won't affect them since they are jordon jockers. I wouldn't be surprised if jordon jockers still would buy thids cologne if it's composed of 100% foolish and weak jordon sweat.
jordon cologne. Simply disgusting.
Patrick Ewing Sneakers. Simply uplifting.
Post # 10
Subject: jordon's foolishness on the rise
Date: 1996/10/16
In the cover of Street & Smith's basketball preview issue, it shows jordon trying to block Ewing's shot. What the h*ll did jordon do that for? jordon obviously can't block a Ewing shot, for Ewing is too big and powerful for jordon. Imagine if jordon tried to block Ewing's powerful dunk. That would be a very foolish thing to do, because Ewing would dunk both the ball AND jordon. Then jordon would whimper and cry, imploring the jordon jocking refs to come and help him.
jordon. Simply a ballhog.
Patrick Ewing. Simply a team player.
Post # 23
Subject: Doomsday approaching in a few Weeks
Date: 1996/10/18
As the NBA season approaches, the foolish jordon ponders about how the powerful Knicks will devastate the Bulls. jordon, in fear, sweats when thinking about Allan Houston's quick step, and Starks' powerful defense. The jordon jockers, in sudden fear, will try to put a brave front, but the fear will be in their voices. They should jump on the Knicks' bandwagon before it's too late.
Post # 41
Subject: More sports foolish jordon sucks at
Date: 1996/10/23
Note: This was a follow-up to Judden's post Other sports that jordon sucks at.
1)Auto Racing
jordon, being the hog that he is, tried to hog up as much momentum as he could so he could show off and try to make his opponents look foolish. However, it was jordon who ended up looking foolish, when in trying to turn a corner, jordon had a hard time stopping and crashed into a wall, ending up in a ditch. jordon was sent to the hospital. Foolish jordon never thought about auto racing ever again.
2)Figure Skating
jordon, being the hog that he is, tried to hog up as much momentum as he could while skating, especially when passing by the judges. However, though jordon had a difficult time making a turn when he had to because he couldn't slow himself down. jordon crashed into the wall instead, feeling very foolish. jordon also refused to get out of the skating rink when his time was up because jordon, being the hog that he is, wanted to hog up all the attention that he could get. Foolish jordon ended up getting kicked out of the skating rink and was never again allowed to participate in the figure skating tournament.
3)Skiing
jordon also went into skiing for a change. jordon, being the hog that he is, tried to hog up as much momentum as he could in order to show off. However, foolish jordon didn't know that skiing requires more things than just speed. When jordon tried to make a sharp curve, jordon was moving so quickly that jordon never finished making the curve. Instead, jordon was thrown off a cliff and fell onto a nearby hill. Foolish jordon never made it to the finish line, and was kicked out of the skiing lodge for his foolishness and weakness.
4)Hockey
Foolish jordon also tried to play hockey. However, jordon, being the hog that he is, demanded in having possession of the puck. jordon wanted to do all the scoring, enabling his teammates in calling him a puckhog. jordon refused to pass the puck, even when he was locked in a defensive jam. Foolish jordon would push and shove. jordon never managed to score a point, and all the shots he took were foolish and weak. jordon's opponents were also much stronger than jordon, and jordon was overwhelmed by their power. At half-time jordon's coach kicked him out of the game for his foolish antics.
5)Fishing
Foolish jordon also considered trying out for fishing. jordon, being the hog that he is, wanted to get all the fish before anybody else could get to him. So foolish jordon went and bought toxic chemicals and foolishly ignored the sign at the lake "No Dumping." So foolish jordon mixed the chemicals together and dumped them all into the lake. jordon went back and this time brought even more chemicals and dumped them all into the lake.
Soon, all the fish in the lake started popping out from the water, one by one. They were all dead, and were floating on the water. jordon quickly set on on his boat to collect his toxic filled dead fish. Soon after, the authorities caught jordon red-handed. jordon attended trial and was charged a 25 million dolars fine for messing with the National Wildlife rules. Next season, jordon will be demanding 50 million dollars from management in order to pay for the fines. In no way will moneyhog jordon spend all of his money this season just for paying the fines. jordon will make the league and fans pay and suffer for his foolishness.
Post # 47
Subject: SuperKnicksFan 227 - jordon 78 (Part#3 0f 4)
Date: 1996/10/31
Score after 1st Quarter SKF 23 - jordon 29
Score after 2nd Quarter SKF 104 - jordon 50
SuperKnicksFan 184 - jordon 63
SuperKnicksFan continued on thrashing foolish jordon in the third quarter. jordon tried to do all that he could, but SuperKnicksFan was just too much for jordon. jordon shot 6 - 47 FG's while making one three-pointer. Foolish jordon never went to the free-throw line because the ref was now Dean Smith, a person whom jordon feared greatly. The other previous refs allowed foolish jordon to go to the free throw line because they wanted to boost up jordon's scoring. They also wanted SuperKnicksFan to stay a minimum 3-foot radius away from jordon. Dean Smith also allowed the hand-check rule, which was disallowed from the other jordon jocking refs.
jordon also managed a steal and a block, and a huge number of turnovers. jordon grabbed only 7 rebounds. SuperKnicksFan shot 35 - 37 FG's while sinking in 5 three pointers. SuperKnicksFan also shot 5-5 from the charity stripe, which angered foolish jordon greatly. SuperKnicksFan grabbed 30 rebounds, blocked 7 shots and swiped 3 steals. Also of great importance was that SuperKnicksFan had 10 assists, and how SKF did it will be explained below.
David Stern, in getting bored with the game went out to take a snack. Dean Smith, in wanting to see team play, called Air Judden in from the stands to play along SuperKnicksFan against the ballogedy jordon. Dean Smith did this also because he thought it was unfair that SuperKnicksFan had to play against both jordon and a jordon jocker in the second quarter, so Smith wanted to punish foolish jordon. SuperKnicksFan kept on passing the ball to Air Judden, who shot 10-10 Fg's against foolish jordon. Air Judden sank some three pointers and some jumpers, and also slam dunked the ball powerfully (BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!) including some facials over foolish jordon. A jordon jocker, getting angry that jordon was getting torched, went to call David Stern. When David Stern returned, Dean Smith immediately told Air Judden to return to the stands. The jordon jocker, sensing that Stern didn't believe him, pleaded with Stern To see the video tape. Stern refused, saying that the NBA allows replays only on controversial shots taken at the buzzer.
After the third quarter ended, jordon foolishly whimpered and cried, whispering to his coach phil the phool Jackson, " I shall get my revenge."
SuperKnicksFan, meanwhile was applauded by many KnicksFans and some jordon jockers.
SuperKnicksFan's total Stats
FGA FGM FTA FTM REBOUNDS ASSISTS STEALS BLOCKS POINTS
115 77 16 15 75 10 12 16 184
jordon's foolish stats
FGA FGM FTA FTM REBOUNDS ASSISTS STEALS BLOCKS POINTS
101 20 33 22 21 2 3 2 63
Post # 91
Subject: SKF and Judden: Handsome and Powerful
Date: 1996/11/11
Reasons why jordon jockers fear SuperKnicksFan and Judden:
Reason #1: The Bulls team is as always, are bunch of has beens. They will get crushed by Ewing & Co. jordon jockers are struggling in putting up a brave front because of SuperKnicksFan's and Judden's immense power.
Reason #2: SuperKnicksFan's and Judden's handsome and powerful attempts at exposing jordon's foolishness has been successful, jordon jockers in no way want to believe that megaoverhoghypeddly jordon is indeed foolish and weak.
Reason #3: SuperKnicksFan's and Judden's powerful posts in showing that jordon is not the greatest player ever are very informative and powerful. Power Points are one of jordon jocker's greatest fears.
Reason #4: jordon jockers hate it when jordon's name is constantly misspelled. Correct spelling: jordon. Wrong spelling: Jordan.
SuperKnicksFan. Simply truthful.
Judden. Simply brilliant.
jordon jockers : Simply enough said.
Post # 126
Subject: jordon's overhyppedlyness
Date: 1996/11/19
jordon the ballhog is indeed overhyped. jordon's rookie card prices are way too high, and it's not fair that Gary Payton's rookie cards are almost worthless.
jordon's rookie card
1986-87 Fleer $950
Gary Payton's Rookie Card
1990-91 Hoops $1.25
jordon is not hundreds of times better than Gary Payton. In fact, Gary Payton is hundreds of times better than jordon the ballhog. This is powerful proof that the wretch jordon is overrated, unlike the strong and handsome Gary Payton. Gary Payton torched foolish jordon in the Finals, and jordon's card prices skyrocket (because of the jordon jockedlyness) while Gary payton's Rookie rises by 25 cents.
jordon. Simply overmegahyped
Gary Payton. Simply strong, handsome, and much quicker than foolish jordon.
Post # 155
Subject: SuperKnicksFan 227 - jordon 78 (Part 4 of 4)
Date: 1996/11/13
Score after 1st Quarter SKF 23 - jordon 29
Score after 2nd Quarter SKF 104 - jordon 50
Score after 3rd Quarter SKF 184 - jordon 63
Score after 4th Quarter SKF 227 - jordon 78
David Stern, in an attempt to try to get jordon back into the game, replaces Dean Smith with a jordon-jocking ref. Stern obviously was embarassed by seeing jordon getting torched by the powerful SuperKnicksFan, and also allowed jordon to get his revenge on SuperKnicksFan. The jordon jocking ref allowed jordon to hand-check SuperKnicksFan, but did not allow SuperKnicksFan to hand-check jordon. jordon also brought in Dennis Rodman to play with him, for jordon was getting torched on the boards. SuperKnicksFan scored only 43 points in the 4th quarter because of the unfair treatment that he was getting. jordon and Rodman totalled 15 rebounds, 3 assists, 1 block, 1 steal and shot 3-5 FT and 6 - 53 FG, for SuperKnicksFan still kept up the defensive pressure. All scoring was done by jordon, for jordon refused to pass the ball to Rodman, and quickly demanded the ball from Rodman whenever Rodman rebounded the ball.
With two minutes left in the quarter, David Stern obviously knew that jordon had no chance of catching up to SuperKnicksFan, so David Stern left the arena for good. After he left, Shaquille O'neal and Pinhead entered the court and joined SuperKnicksFan in crushing foolish jordon and Rodman.
Pinhead was the point guard, for he enjoyed passing the ball to Shaq-Fu so that Shaq-Fu could dunk in jordon's face. jordon and Rodman did all they could to stop Shaq, but to no avail. Whenever Shaq was double-teamed, he would pass the ball to Pinhead, who would in turn shoot from downtown.
While SuperKnicksFan kept up the defensive pressure, Shaq-Fu and Pinhead provided much firepower and schooled jordon and Rodman. SuperKnicksFan, Shaq-Fu and Pinhead totalled 43 points on 19-38 FG's, 5-5 3 point FG's, grabbed 35 rebounds, blocked 5 shots and had 5 steals and 10 assists.
SuperKnicksFan's Total Stats
FGA FGM FTA FTM REBOUNDS ASSISTS STEALS BLOCKS POINTS
153 96 16 15 110 20 17 21 227
jordon's foolish stats
FGA FGM FTA FTM REBOUNDS ASSISTS STEALS BLOCKS POINTS
154 26 38 25 36 5 4 3 78
After the game, the whole jordon jocking press rushed the court, and asked jordon many questions, many of which jordon was too ashamed to answer.
Reporter #1: jordon, how do you feel after playing a so-called one-on-one game with SuperKnicksFan?
jordon: Well, I feel great. I showed SuperKnicksFan how to play real basketball, for I am much more skillful than he. It just wasn't fair that SuperKnicksFan had much help, though. I wouldn't be surprised if he and that Air Judden guy put on some metallic bionic legs, them two are Mechanical Engineers. They were not wearing shorts, and this game should not be counted.
Reporter # 2: jordon, you shot 16.9% from the field. Why did you do so poorly?
jordon: It was obvious that I'm just tired. I was saving my energy for tomorrow's Bulls game.
Reporter # 3: jordon, will you play any more games against SuperKnicksFan in the near future?
jordon: I feel that this should be a 7 game series. It's obvious that SuperKnicksFan shouldn't have beaten me today. One game is not enough. I challenge SuperKnicksFan to continue playing in a best of 7 series.
Reporter #4- How did you and Dennis Rodman get along?
jordon: That ballhog at first refused to give me the ball. I went to Phil Jackson and told him of our problems. Phil Jackson immediately ordered Rodman to pass the ball to me.
And on went jordon, answering questions with lies and a high degree of snobbery.
One reporter(Reporter#5) went to Dennis Rodman and asked him:
"Mr.Rodman, why did two professional basketball players lose against an undergraduate student who goes to Polytechnic University?"
Rodman: It beats me. Well, anyway yesterday I was sticking earrings onto all of my furniture. When Scottie Pippen came over by my home for a chat, he sat down on the couch, and the strangest thing happened. Pippen ended jumping up to the ceiling, for reasons that I don't know why. He went to the hospital to get some stitches, and that's why he hasn't attended the game. He obviously would have helped jordon with his game tonight.
The same reporter went by SuperKnicksFan and asked:
" SuperKnicksFan, you struggled in the first quarter , then got hot. How did it happen?"
SuperKnicksFan: Well, Power Points have really helped me wreak havoc on foolish jordon. Power Points are Rebounds per game + assists per game + Steals per game + blocks per game. I had a total of 168 power points. jordon had 48 Power Points. jordon needs to get some lessons about rebounding and passing from the great Magic Johnson.
Reporter #5- What else made you defeat jordon? Who has helped you?
SuperKnicksFan: Well, My powerful and handsome coach Patrick Aloysious Ewing helped me play better. He is a team player and has great coaching skills. Assistant coach John Starks showed me how to shoot 3-pointers. Air Judden, Shaq, and Pinhead, also helped me in defeating foolish jordon.
Phil the phool Jackson was confronted by a reporter.
Reporter # 6: Mr. Jackson, how do you feel about the results of today's matchup?
phil the phool: Well, I feel that it isn't right for SuperKnicksFan to allow his friends play ten-on-one against the great jordon. jordon easily would have won this game. And I didn't appreciate it when Dean Smith was calling me a whiner. I saw SuperKnicksFan travel, D*mmit!!! And jordon was also getting hacked by the likes of SuperKnicksFan and that monster Shaquille O'neal. ('God I would love to have Shaq on my team' said Phil the phool to himself.)
Reporter # 7 : Mr. Ewing, you have done a wonderful job in coaching
SuperKnicksFan and the others. Are you considering to be head coach of the Knicks after you retire?
Patrick Ewing: Until I have a ring on my finger, I will keep on playing. The Bulls don't scare me, nobody does. It's not fair that the refs allow the Bulls to get away with everything. Well, at least there are people out there who know that this is true. I feel great that I have coached SKF and the others to victory. They worked real hard and exposed jordon's foolishness.
Post # 134
Subject: foolish jordon runs in fear from the Knicks!!!
Date: 1996/11/19
The following is a true story about jordon
January 11, 1997 Midnight
jordon the ballhog, obviously in great fear because of the Knicks, does not want to play against them on January 21, so jordon does what other ballhogs would do, get out of town!
So foolish jordon goes on a world cruise on a ship which contains 500 passengers. jordon, in being in great fear, did not bother to shop around for the best cruise offer. Instead, jordon goes and ends up buying the most expensive ticket, worth $100,000.
As foolish jordon gets relieved from seeing the Chicago skyline fading from view, jordon wonders when will he return. "I'll come back during playoff time and hog the ball," thought jordon.
Then, two days later, foolish jordon finds himself stranded on an island, all alone. The ship had been shipwrecked, killing the rest of the passengers, leaving jordon the sole survivor on the island. "I want to go home", whimpered foolish jordon. The island is very small, and is actually a big piece of rock. It has one tree which contains berries. The berries reminded jordon of his basketball, and jordon wished that he could get a net and basketball so that he could play on the island and wait for someone to pick him up. It was obvious that no one would pick up crybaby jordon, and many boats and helicopters went by jordon, refusing to acknowledge his existence. jordon pleaded for help, but to no avail.
So jordon used his foolish and weak leaping abilities to catch the berries when he got hungry. jordon also tried to catch some fish, but jordon never again thought of hunting for fish after a shark nearly took his head off when poking his foolish head over the water. So what jordon did, was to use his foolish and weak leaping abilities to catch birds. Whenever jordon would catch a bird, jordon would look at the bird with much hate. The bird in turn would roll over and die, having jordon to eat it up.
After a while, foolish jordon got real bored so jordon starting carving up a huge ball from the tiny island he was on. jordon thanked the ballhogging demons for having brought with him a very sharp Knife. " I was going to use this knife to threaten those young jordon - jocking kids to stay away from me, whenever there is no jordon jocking camera pointing towards me," thought jordon.
So after a while jordon carved up a huge ball. But the currents were moving rapidly, and the huge ball started rolling over its base, with jordon on top of the ball. "Help, help," cried foolish jordon. As the ball started sinking into the ocean, jordon suddenly realized that his doom was nearby. 'I wish I could have taken the ball from my teammates and scored more points', thought jordon.
Then suddenly as jordon's head was disappearing from the face of the earth, a huge blue whale came up and devoured jordon. jordon remained in its stomach for days, and was getting very tired and sick, for the whale's stomach smelled like feces. jordon was praying for returning to Chicago and get pounded by the likes of John Starks intead of dying a horrible death. Then jordon whimpered, hoping that the whale would return him safely home.
At last jordon was spit out from the whale's body and was thrown against the shore. jordon then went as quickly as he could to his hotel, hoping nobody would see him in his foolishness. jordon took a long bath, ate dinner, and went to the United Center. As jordon walked towards the court, his knees felt weak and were shaking.
Post #158
Subject: More jordon news (NRA and cologne update) Date: 1996/11/26
Note: The NRA reference was a follow-up to a Judden post that stated jordon was hired as the NRA president because he knows a lot about gunning...but was fired shortly thereafter, because he was a wild gunner.
A few weeks after jordon was fired by the NRA (anyone who gets fired by the NRA doesn't return
because of it's precision in gunning), jordon got outraged when he heard that Yosemite Sam was
elected as the new leader of the NRA. "But Yosemite Sam never could shoot Bugs Bunny",
whimpered foolish jordon. Foolish jordon did not know that Yosemite Sam indeed rarely misses
his target, and was never allowed to gun down Bugs Bunny because he was playing a character in
the cartoon, and therefore his shooting actions were limited. Foolish jordon whimpered and cried,
pronouncing he would never let Yosemite Sam appear in any of his future Space Jam movies. jordon
also tried to let the movie makers to get Yosemite Sam off the oringinal Space Jam movie by
computer methods, but the movie makers refused. "We signed a contract, you wretch, and stop
complaining," said the producer.
jordon's cologne is selling at an extremely fast rate, despite the inflated price of 32 dollars per one
ounce bottle. "I have nothing to do with the cologne hype,whatsoever," said jordon. Foolish jordon
failed to admit that he is the cause for the widespread advertising campaign for his new cologne.
jordon cologne is being sold in many places, including restaurants. "Well, it's a good idea that they
sell them in restaurants, it'll be usefull for those guys who are on dates," said jordon. A secret
ingredient has been discovered in jordon cologne by scientists, and they labeled it as 'foolish and
weak' because of it's strangeness. The foolish and weak ingredient smells like jordon's sweat, but
jordon refused to comment on any extraneous ingredients. "This media, always criticizing me,"
declared foolish jordon.
Post # 216
SuperKnicksFan
Polytechnic University
Mechanical Engineering Major
1.98 G.P.A. 41 Credits 5th Semester Sophomore
"Oh my!!! Ewing!!! Whooaaaaaa, BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!"
- NBA JAM Arcade Commentator
"Oh my!!! Grant Hill!!! He's on FIRE!!!"
- NBA JAM Arcade Commentator
"SuperStarks for three!!! Nothing but NET!!!"
- NBA JAM Arcade Commentator
"Age is a state of mind."
- Patrick Ewing
Go NEW YORK SUPERKNICKERBOCKERS!!! GO SUPERYANKEES POWER!!!
Go Super Patrick Ewing Power!!! GO SUPERRANGERS POWER!!!
Go John SuperStarks Power!!! GO SUPERJETS POWER!!!
Go Grant Hill Power!!! Go Don Mattingly Power!!!
Go Chris Webber Power!!! Go Ruben Rivera Power!!!
Go Jerry Stackhouse Power!!! Go John Wallace Power!!!
Go Kevin Garnett Power!!! Go Juwan Howard Power!!!
Go Super Penny Hardaway Power!!! Go Derek Jeter Power!!!
Go Kobe Bryant Power!!! Go Allan Houston Power!!!
Go Larry Johnson Grandmama Power!!! Go Chris Childs Power!!!
Go Super Shaquille O'neal Power!!! Go Shawn Kemp Power!!!
KNICKS RULE!!!
Subject: jordon the lifeguard
Date: 1996/11/26
When jordon was in college, foolish jordon took up a job as a lifeguard, although jordon found to his dismay that being a lifeguard was not a good decision to make. First, jordon rarely sat in the lifeguard seat watching the surfers and swimmers. jordon spent much of his time playing beach volleyball with other people, although they didn't want to play with jordon because jordon would demand control of the ball most of the time.
Whenever a swimmer or surfer needed help, the victims were rarely helped because nobody would be too close to them hearing their pleas of help. So, when jordon was caught redhanded at not doing his job, jordon was indeed doing a very foolish thing. When the beach volleyball got out of bounds and was thrown into the sea, jordon the ballhog refused to let anyone get to it. jordon demanded to get to the ball first. jordon also did not acknowledge a swimmer's pleas of help because jordon was too busy thinking about getting the ball. Luckily, a swimmer close by saved the other swimmer's life. Everybody soon cheered the heroic swimmer and booed foolish jordon. jordon was reported to the authorities, and was never allowed to enter the beach. Soon after, jordon was not allowed to go to any other beach, which was another reason as to why jordon spent most of his time in the gym hogging the basketball by himself.